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Thread: Campfire humour: ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD PLEASE

  1. #16
    Member el borracho's Avatar
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    Nigerian pre internet
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    Tweed or not to Tweed that is the question

  2. #17
    Member el borracho's Avatar
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    One hot summer day, Warrigal came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade
    of a tree, and headed into the pub for a cold one.

    Twenty minutes later, a cop entered the bar and asked, "Who owns the dog
    tied under that tree outside?"

    Warrigal called out, " It's mine, mate."

    "Your dog seems to be in heat," the cop said.

    Warrigal replied, "No way. She's cool as, 'cause she's tied up under that shade
    tree."

    The cop said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred."

    "No way," said Warrigal. "That dog don't need no bread. She ain't hungry 'cause I
    fed 'er this mornin'."

    The exasperated cop said, "NO! You don't understand; your dog wants to have
    sex!"

    Warrigal looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police
    dog."
    oneipete, possummatti and buell984 like this.
    Tweed or not to Tweed that is the question

  3. #18
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    YES , I DID steal your MILK

  4. #19
    Member el borracho's Avatar
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    12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio:



    1.. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'


    2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'


    3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'


    4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'


    5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god !! What have I just said??'


    6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'


    7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!


    8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'


    9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '


    10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'


    11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'


    12.. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'
    Tweed or not to Tweed that is the question

  5. #20
    OPCz Rushy's Avatar
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    Ha ha ha ha
    It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
    What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
    Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
    Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  6. #21
    Member el borracho's Avatar
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    school
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    Tweed or not to Tweed that is the question

  7. #22
    Member el borracho's Avatar
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    dyslexia
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    Spanners, Philipo and Dynastar27 like this.
    Tweed or not to Tweed that is the question

  8. #23
    Member el borracho's Avatar
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    dumpling boy
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    Tweed or not to Tweed that is the question

  9. #24
    Member Dundee's Avatar
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    See how long this lasts .

    Name:  Image.11.jpg
Views: 2083
Size:  69.8 KB

    Its hunting or shooting which pc will delete it? One more beer then im gona find a Darwin bunnywoops i are drunk

  10. #25
    Member el borracho's Avatar
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    naughty boy
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    Tweed or not to Tweed that is the question

  11. #26
    The Scope Whore ! Philipo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dundee View Post
    See how long this lasts .

    Attachment 2719

    Its hunting or shooting which pc will delete it? One more beer then im gona find a Darwin bunnywoops i are drunk
    Blahahahahaha now thats gold Dunners, So I ain't guna delete it
    A proud member of "Team Seagull" Chur

  12. #27
    Impure Lead Flinger
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  13. #28
    OPCz Rushy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dundee View Post
    See how long this lasts .

    Attachment 2719

    Its hunting or shooting which pc will delete it? One more beer then im gona find a Darwin bunnywoops i are drunk
    My old eyes thank you Dundee and may you get pissed more often.
    It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
    What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
    Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
    Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  14. #29
    Member el borracho's Avatar
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    MacDonald beat down
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    Spanners, Dynastar27 and buell984 like this.
    Tweed or not to Tweed that is the question

  15. #30
    Muppets Inc. SIKAHUNTER's Avatar
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    Name:  Larrys_Deer_Gut.jpg
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