Welcome guest, is this your first visit? Create Account now to join.
  • Login:

Welcome to the NZ Hunting and Shooting Forums.

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed.

NZGR Black Watch


User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread
Page 3 of 765 FirstFirst 123456789101112131415161753103503 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 45 of 11472
Like Tree23365Likes

Thread: Campfire humour: ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD PLEASE

  1. #31
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    West Auckland
    Posts
    345

    Guns vrs Women


    Six reasons why men prefer guns to women:

    1.You can trade in a old 45 for a 22.
    2.You can admire a friends gun and hell let you try it.
    3.Your gun stays with you even when you run out of ammo.
    4.Guns funtion normally everyday.
    5.A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

    And the best one...

    6.YOU CAN BUY A F#%KIN SILENCER FOR A GUN.

  2. #32
    Muppets Inc. SIKAHUNTER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Napier
    Posts
    302
    Name:  EX-WIFE.jpg
Views: 1424
Size:  40.3 KB
    buell984 likes this.

  3. #33
    Muppets Inc. SIKAHUNTER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Napier
    Posts
    302
    Name:  Noname.jpg
Views: 1419
Size:  104.3 KB
    Philipo, baldbob, Kitto and 6 others like this.

  4. #34
    Member el borracho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Orkland
    Posts
    2,980
    Were going to have a hell of a collection of funnies soon!
    Tweed or not to Tweed that is the question

  5. #35
    Impure Lead Flinger
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Greymouth
    Posts
    1,405
    Quote Originally Posted by el borracho View Post
    Were going to have a hell of a collection of funnies soon!
    we already do el boo...

    Keep em coming!

  6. #36
    Impure Lead Flinger
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Greymouth
    Posts
    1,405
    graham99 likes this.

  7. #37
    Impure Lead Flinger
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Greymouth
    Posts
    1,405
    veitnamcam and Dougie like this.

  8. #38
    Impure Lead Flinger
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Greymouth
    Posts
    1,405
    oneipete and Cordite like this.

  9. #39
    Impure Lead Flinger
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Greymouth
    Posts
    1,405

  10. #40
    Muppets Inc. SIKAHUNTER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Napier
    Posts
    302

    re: Campfire humour: ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD PLEASE

    Name:  decoy1_1.jpg
Views: 1329
Size:  57.9 KB
    baldbob, oneipete and initiaz like this.

  11. #41
    Muppets Inc. SIKAHUNTER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Napier
    Posts
    302

    re: Campfire humour: ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD PLEASE

    Name:  LayStill.jpg
Views: 1256
Size:  62.7 KB
    Toby, oneipete, initiaz and 1 others like this.

  12. #42
    Muppets Inc. SIKAHUNTER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Napier
    Posts
    302

    re: Campfire humour: ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD PLEASE

    Name:  Picture1.jpg
Views: 1258
Size:  60.2 KB
    veitnamcam, Dougie and oneipete like this.

  13. #43
    Muppets Inc. SIKAHUNTER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Napier
    Posts
    302

    re: Campfire humour: ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD PLEASE

    A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
    The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
    Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway.
    You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... Something
    happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was
    chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."

    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance
    compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a
    new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing
    is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.". The man perks up at this.

    "So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's
    something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one
    before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if
    you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this
    time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping
    you make the decision."

    The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.

    "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?". "I have," says the man.

    "And has she helped you in making the decision?" "She has," says the man.

    "And what is it?" asks the doctor.

    "We're getting a new kitchen."
    veitnamcam, graham99 and buell984 like this.

  14. #44
    Muppets Inc. SIKAHUNTER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Napier
    Posts
    302

    Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

    Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.
    The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something
    extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized
    taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
    adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....
    'WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
    I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
    was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it
    against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting
    back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

    Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of
    her microwave.

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be
    all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)
    while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing
    out on a flesh & blood moving target.

    I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
    thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to
    my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it
    would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched
    delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
    The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
    a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss
    of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop
    on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would
    be wasting the batteries.

    All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4
    inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A
    batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to
    say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little
    ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst
    just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button,
    and....HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!

    I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner,
    then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.

    I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes,
    body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left
    arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.

    The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
    licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!"

    Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug " yourself with a taser, one note of caution:
    there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself!
    You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent
    thrashing about on the floor.

    A three-second burst would be considered conservative!!!

    SON-OF-A-... That hurt like **% !!! A minute or so later ( I can't be sure, as time was a
    relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed
    the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
    How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
    twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
    weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for
    their safe return!! Still in shock!

    P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

  15. #45
    Muppets Inc. SIKAHUNTER's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Napier
    Posts
    302

    The Scotsman

    One day a Scotsman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10
    years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, 'It's certainly not
    a ship.' And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities
    of a small boat and even a raft.

    Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting
    aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a dropdead
    gorgeous blonde!

    The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Scotsman and said to him,

    'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar.'

    'Ten years,' replied the amazed Scotsman.

    With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left
    sleeve of her wetsuit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars. He takes one,
    lights it, and takes a long drag. 'Ach no,' said the man, 'that is so good I'd
    almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!'

    'And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Scottish Whiskey?'
    asked the blonde.

    Trembling, the castaway replied, 'Ten years.'

    Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a pocket
    there and removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took
    a long drink. ''Tis nectar of the gods!' stated the Scotsman. ''Tis truly fantastic!!!'

    At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of
    her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and
    asked, 'And how long has it been since you played around?'

    With tears in his eyes, the Scotsman fell to his knees and sobbed, 'Jesus,
    Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there, too!'
    veitnamcam and buell984 like this.

 

 

Similar Threads

  1. AR Thread
    By cambo in forum Firearms, Optics and Accessories
    Replies: 1031
    Last Post: 03-04-2016, 09:01 PM
  2. Replies: 8
    Last Post: 11-01-2013, 03:17 PM
  3. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-12-2012, 03:58 PM
  4. Enjoying the humour
    By bjroar in forum Introductions
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 30-06-2012, 12:45 AM
  5. what thread
    By madjon_ in forum Reloading and Ballistics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 13-12-2011, 09:37 AM

Tags for this Thread

View Tag Cloud

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Welcome to NZ Hunting and Shooting Forums! We see you're new here, or arn't logged in. Create an account, and Login for full access including our FREE BUY and SELL section Register NOW!!