The day had arrived, and Paddy was to give his first presentation in front of the board. The boss goes up to him when he came to work and asked how he felt.
Well to be honest, I haven't slept a wink all night. I'm so nervous.
Try what I do,said the boss. I make wild passionate love to my wife the morning before any meeting. All my nerves disappear.
I don't know boss, said Paddy. I'm not sure she....
No, you go home right now and say the boss sent me, and you're to do what I say.
Anyway,Paddy heads out the door, and goes away.
A couple of hours later, the bosses phone rings and its Paddy on the end, out of breath, with moaning going on in the background.
You were right boss, all my nerves have gone, I'll be there in half an hour to give the presentation.
Great news Paddy, see ya when you get here.
Oh, one other thing boss, says Paddy, you've got an awesome house.......
Has anyone seen what color shoes Dolly Parton is wearing today?
No? Neither has she
Seen Dundee at the beach today
Rule 4. Identify your target beyond all doubt.
It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
Rule 5: Check your firing zone
Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue):
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta version. Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources. In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.