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  • 1 Post By geezejonesy
  • 8 Post By outdoorlad

Thread: Bacon Tree

  1. #1
    Member geezejonesy's Avatar
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    Bacon Tree

    Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says........."Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
    "Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. " With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon .... every imaginable kind of cured pork.
    "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree.""Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget." "Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree." And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath, "Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
    "Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? " "Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees Ees Ees Ees
    Ees a ham bush...."
    BURN BABY BURN
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  2. #2
    Member geezejonesy's Avatar
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    SO SORRY - I know there is something wrong with me for posting this. Just couldnt help it!
    The little voices made me do it !!! And I bet you tried to do the accent, didn't you? I know you did!
    Spanners likes this.
    BURN BABY BURN
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  3. #3
    Gold member Pointer's Avatar
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    That was awful still smiled though

  4. #4
    Member outdoorlad's Avatar
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    Dead cow lecture at vet school

    First-year students at the Vet School were attending their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

    The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body". For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

    The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

    When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "the second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
    finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, but it's even tougher if you're stupid.."
    Shut up, get out & start pushing!

  5. #5
    dog chaser distant stalker's Avatar
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    I love that

    Quote Originally Posted by outdoorlad View Post
    Dead cow lecture at vet school

    First-year students at the Vet School were attending their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

    The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body". For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

    The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it.

    When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "the second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle
    finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, but it's even tougher if you're stupid.."

  6. #6
    The Scope Whore ! Philipo's Avatar
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    I "liked" the joke, not the taste
    Shoot it, root it & then BBQ it !!!

  7. #7
    Ex stick thrower madjon_'s Avatar
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    That sucks
    Real guns start with the number 3 or bigger and make two holes, one in and one out." -

  8. #8
    Member geezejonesy's Avatar
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    big fight at a gypsy wedding in ireland.
    Dave the irishman goes to court & the judge says "Can anyone explain what happened?"
    Dave says "I can ,as i was ta best man . I was dancing with ta bride. We were dancing quite close when ta groom stormed up and
    kicked ta bride in ta fanny."
    the judge raises an eyebrow . "I see . that must've hurt?"
    "Bloody right" said Dave. " He Broke 3 of my fingers."
    BURN BABY BURN
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

 

 

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