Welcome guest, is this your first visit? Create Account now to join.
  • Login:

Welcome to the NZ Hunting and Shooting Forums.

If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed.

DPT Black Watch


User Tag List

Like Tree53455Likes

Thread: Campfire humour: ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD PLEASE

  1. #19426
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Home - mainland nz, actual - could be anywhere...
    Posts
    4,036
    Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together:

    In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
    As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

    She replies. "No!"
    Johnny asks. "Do you know what I think?"
    His mom replies. "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

    Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom. "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
    She replies. "No!"
    Johnny says. "Do you know what I think?"
    His mom replies. "Never mind what you think!
    Eat your lunch and go back to school."

    After school, Johnny comes home and asks again. "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
    His mom says. "No!"
    He asks. "Do you know what I think?"
    His Mom replies. "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

    He says. "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue!"......
    Please excuse spelling, as finger speed is sometimes behind brain spped........ Or maybe the other wayy.....

  2. #19427
    Member DemocKot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    New Zealand/Russia
    Posts
    247
    My wife told me I need to be more in touch with my feminine side...
    So I crashed the car
    Then ignored her all day for no reason..
    And then when she asked what I want for dinner, I answered "Ah I don't know, what do you feel like?"
    Xорошая охота была, Нормальная, вполне

  3. #19428
    Member diana2's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    top of the south
    Posts
    383
    A policeman flags down a driver. After pulling him over, the policeman approached the driver’s door.
    “Is there a problem, Officer?”
    The policeman says, “Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?”
    The driver responds, “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”
    “You don’t have one?”
    The man responds, “I lost it four times for drink driving.”
    The policeman is shocked. “I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?”
    “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”
    The policeman says, “Why not?”
    “I stole this car.”
    The officer says, “Stole it?”
    The man says, “Yes, and I killed the owner.”




    At this point the officer is getting irate. “You what?”
    “She’s in the trunk if you want to see.”
    The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
    The senior officer says, “Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!”
    The man steps out of his vehicle. “Is there a problem, sir?”
    “One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”
    “Murdered the owner?”
    The officer responds, “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car please?”
    The man opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
    The officer says, “Is this your car sir?”
    The man says, “Yes” and hands over the registration papers.
    The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”
    The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. “Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, stole this car, and murdered the owner.”
    The man replies, “I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!”
    Or you can stay within 300 yards and keep life a lot simpler.

  4. #19429
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    christchurch
    Posts
    6,872
    Name:  __598d8a66ec4ef5dd84b78009869014d2_width-300.jpeg
Views: 328
Size:  22.3 KBName:  __ce2755d996ddc7e36646f29d9a30be49_width-300.jpeg
Views: 333
Size:  26.5 KB

  5. #19430
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    christchurch
    Posts
    6,872
    Name:  __21c379291149fc99d2bb2e40cdfdbb4c_width-300.jpeg
Views: 314
Size:  24.7 KB

  6. #19431
    Sending it Gibo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    The Hill
    Posts
    20,802
    Quote Originally Posted by gonetropo View Post
    There's a old boy at work I can trigger like her, just a few words and I can have him
    gadgetman, buell984, viper and 1 others like this.

  7. #19432
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    South Waikato
    Posts
    3,381
    Quote Originally Posted by gonetropo View Post
    Do you need some pointers Tropo?
    I've just come out of a meeting where a guy was looking at me like that. Was quite exciting.
    Gibo, Steve123 and Mr Browning like this.
    Overkill is still dead.

  8. #19433
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    christchurch
    Posts
    6,872
    Quote Originally Posted by 7mmwsm View Post
    Do you need some pointers Tropo?
    I've just come out of a meeting where a guy was looking at me like that. Was quite exciting.
    sure it was guy or one f the other 47+ genders ?
    timattalon likes this.

  9. #19434
    Member gadgetman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Christchurch
    Posts
    15,144
    Quote Originally Posted by Gibo View Post
    There's a old boy at work I can trigger like her, just a few words and I can have him
    Rude not to. My sister-in-law was like that. I consider it sporting.
    kotuku, berg243, xtightg and 1 others like this.
    There are only three types of people in this world. Those that can count, and those that can't!

  10. #19435
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    spreydon christcurch.
    Posts
    4,554
    Quote Originally Posted by gonetropo View Post
    now tropo old son -id like me a tshirt with the willie and waylon cartoon on-just to piss off the general public -no point with you boys -too much commonsense and hides like bloody rhinos.
    on the back id write
    Death -the one word answer to all lifes most complicated scenarios.

  11. #19436
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    spreydon christcurch.
    Posts
    4,554
    Quote Originally Posted by gadgetman View Post
    Rude not to. My sister-in-law was like that. I consider it sporting.
    for a mate whose sense of humour is drier than a norwester on heat I find that a smidgeon unbecoming!

  12. #19437
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    Hawkes Bay
    Posts
    908
    Quote Originally Posted by gadgetman View Post
    .. My sister-in-law was like that. ..
    Two or three possibilities there going by the tense??

  13. #19438
    Member gadgetman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Christchurch
    Posts
    15,144
    Quote Originally Posted by 6x47 View Post
    Two or three possibilities there going by the tense??
    She eventually calmed down a bit and figured I wasn't actually a male chauvinist pig and was just winding her up because she was easy to wind up. Sayings like 'the bloke that said women could drive was only joking' were good.
    There are only three types of people in this world. Those that can count, and those that can't!

  14. #19439
    Member gadgetman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Christchurch
    Posts
    15,144
    Quote Originally Posted by kotuku View Post
    for a mate whose sense of humour is drier than a norwester on heat I find that a smidgeon unbecoming!
    What must be done, must be done!
    There are only three types of people in this world. Those that can count, and those that can't!

  15. #19440
    Member Fawls's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    West Auckland
    Posts
    1,902
    Name:  UPMlG.jpg
Views: 236
Size:  28.9 KB
    veitnamcam, tetawa and xtightg like this.

 

 

Similar Threads

  1. what thread
    By madjon_ in forum Reloading and Ballistics
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 04-10-2018, 08:27 AM
  2. AR Thread
    By cambo in forum Firearms, Optics and Accessories
    Replies: 1031
    Last Post: 03-04-2016, 09:01 PM
  3. Replies: 8
    Last Post: 11-01-2013, 02:17 PM
  4. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 06-12-2012, 02:58 PM
  5. Enjoying the humour
    By bjroar in forum Introductions
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 30-06-2012, 12:45 AM

Tags for this Thread

View Tag Cloud

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Welcome to NZ Hunting and Shooting Forums! We see you're new here, or arn't logged in. Create an account, and Login for full access including our FREE BUY and SELL section Register NOW!!