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Thread: Campfire humour: ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD PLEASE

  1. #11806
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  2. #11807
    Member Fawls's Avatar
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    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
    The position of the dirt bag.

    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    What do lawyers use for birth control?
    Their personalities..

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
    20 kgs.

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    45 minutes.

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in Grade 9.
    Who has the biggest boobs?
    The blonde, because she's 18..

    What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
    A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    'Are you sure it's mine?'

    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.

    What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?
    An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F..... Word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
    A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time..' A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiit...'

    Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
    hillclima, P38, veitnamcam and 5 others like this.

  3. #11808
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  4. #11809
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  5. #11810
    Member Fawls's Avatar
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    The HMRC has returned the Tax Return to a man in Evesham after he apparently answered one of the questions incorrectly.
    In response to the question Do you have anyone dependent on you?, the man wrote "2.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 1,1 million civil servants, 4.4 million unemployable Jeremy Kyle scroungers, 900,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus 650 idiots in Parliament and the whole of the European Commission".
    The HMRC stated that the response he gave was unacceptable.
    The man's response back to HMRC was "who did I miss out?".

  6. #11811
    res
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fawls View Post
    Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
    there are actully two disneylands in China
    Using Tapatalk

  7. #11812
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    Quote Originally Posted by res View Post
    there are actully two disneylands in China
    Might be true but it's not very funny.

  8. #11813
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fawls View Post
    Might be true but it's not very funny.
    due to kids I have been to both of them unfortunatly. hell even the hight thing is incorect-im 1.87m and im constantly short comapred to some of the ethincities within china- Han chinese tend to be shorter than westerners but most of the others are just as tall if not taller, have visited citys in china where I felt short and that hasent happend anywere else in the world
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  9. #11814
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    reminds me of the chinese couple in bed one night, husbands feeling a bit aroused and wakes up his wife
    "hey baby how about a 69?" he asks
    she replies "i'm not making sweet and sour pork this time in the morning
    veitnamcam, gadgetman, res and 2 others like this.

  10. #11815
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  11. #11816
    Member EeeBees's Avatar
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    ...amitie, respect mutuel et amour...

    ...le beau et le bon, cela rime avec Breton!...

    C'est plus facile de juger un juge que de juger un chien!!

  12. #11817
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    Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
    Little Johnny: "None."
    Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
    Little Johnny: "None."
    Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
    Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
    Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think."
    Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?"
    Teacher: "Sure."
    Little Johnny: "There are three women in the ice cream parlour. One is licking, one is biting and one is sucking her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"
    Teacher: "The one sucking the cone."
    Little Johnny: "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."

  13. #11818
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    Quote Originally Posted by res View Post
    there are actully two disneylands in China
    But they may have only carrousel and not awesome rides!!!

  14. #11819
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    Quote Originally Posted by PERRISCICABA View Post
    But they may have only carrousel and not awesome rides!!!
    Tha Shanghai is the largest and newest in the world-with all the best old rides from the others re done and a pile of new ones, I still hate it though-the crouds are crazy even by chinese standards
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  15. #11820
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