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Thread: Campfire humour: ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD PLEASE

  1. #12181
    Member Fawls's Avatar
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    Xmas stuff...

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  2. #12182
    Almost literate. veitnamcam's Avatar
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    That last one is so true....Dad payed for my presents and for the most part had no idea what they were now I do the same for my kids.
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire

    Chicken Intolerant.

  3. #12183
    Member Paddy79's Avatar
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    Thanks to 2017 an being tranny is the new in thing the easiest way to tell if a woman is horny is if her dick is hard
    "Don't carry a gun. It's nice to have them close by, but don't carry them. You might get arrested"

  4. #12184
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fawls View Post
    Xmas stuff...
    Attachment 80102

    My dad used to own a car parts store that was open late on Christmas eve just like any other retailer of the time. Almost every year there were a few men who had been at the "work function" and were about to head home when they remember they had not bought anything for her indoors....Often they would buy "shiney" or fluffy. Dad would usually suggest car seat covers (Sheepskin of course) but he knew that a few wives were on the recieving nd of gifts like Sidchrome socket sets (Bling and chrome) and similarly shiney objects of male desire. he was also pretty certain that some of these men would have no idea what their wives were unwrapping, even though they had bought it around 12 hours earlier...........

    Moral: Dont drink and shop at christmas if you want to stay happy....
    gadgetman, Maca49 and Beaker like this.

  5. #12185
    Ex stick thrower madjon_'s Avatar
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    It evens out,
    Womans,"I'll be ready in 5 minutes" Mans,"I'll be home in 5 minutes"
    Who would of thunk.
    Brian, gadgetman, Sako 243 and 3 others like this.
    Sako Rifles,Browning shotguns,Black Labs.There is nothing else

    The dog always bites,The horse always kicks,The gun is always loaded.


    " Real guns start with the number 3 or bigger and make two holes, one in and one out." -

  6. #12186
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    Quote Originally Posted by madjon_ View Post
    It evens out,
    Womans,"I'll be ready in 5 minutes" Mans,"I'll be home in 5 minutes"
    Who would of thunk.
    Gold. Never thought of it that way

  7. #12187
    Sending it Gibo's Avatar
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    gadgetman and Maca49 like this.
    Werawhakaui?

    Rule 4. Identify your target beyond all doubt.

  8. #12188
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    buell984 likes this.

  9. #12189
    Member Sideshow's Avatar
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    @Fawls just love the Merry Christmas joke! Had to whatch a Mike Bubble sing along last nigh on TV and he kept on with this a Happy holiday crap it's f@&*%! Merry F@&*%! Christmas..... Ohooo that feels better

    Merry Christmas guys and thanks for all the laughs this year......now bugger off and have a drink of Waikato on me
    Blisters likes this.
    It's all fun and games till Darthvader comes along

  10. #12190
    OPCz Rushy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sideshow View Post
    @Fawls just love the Merry Christmas joke! Had to whatch a Mike Bubble sing along last nigh on TV and he kept on with this a Happy holiday crap it's f@&*%! Merry F@&*%! Christmas..... Ohooo that feels better

    Merry Christmas guys and thanks for all the laughs this year......now bugger off and have a drink of Waikato on me
    Just got two containers of Waikato (40' containers that is)! Where do we send the invoice?
    Ryan_Songhurst and Fawls like this.
    It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
    What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
    Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
    Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  11. #12191
    Member Maca49's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rushy View Post
    Just got two containers of Waikato (40' containers that is)! Where do we send the invoice?
    So its pasteurise?
    Boom, cough,cough,cough

  12. #12192
    Member Ryan_Songhurst's Avatar
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    A man is about to jump off London Bridge when he hears a voice behind him. It's Santa Claus.
    "Why do this? It's Christmas Eve?" Santa says.
    "Because I've lost my job, " the man answered, " my wife has left me, and I have no presents for the kids."
    "Ah, I can grant you 3 wishes, " replied Santa, "So when you get up tomorrow your job will be there, your wife will be waiting for you, and there'll be presents for the children."
    "Oh Santa - however can I repay you?" gasped the man.
    "Well - not a lot of people know this, " came the reply, "But old Santa is gay, you could bend over for me, the elves aren't much good at it."
    "Dunno 'bout that, " the man said.
    "Oh, go on, " Santa urged, "After all - I granted you 3 wishes, don't be so ungrateful."
    "Ok, " the man sighed, as he unzipped his trousers.
    Santa did the biz and when he finished the man pulled his trousers back up.
    Santa looks at the man and asks "How old are you?"
    "47, " came the reply.
    "What? And you still believe in Santa Claus?

    Ho Ho Ho Ho !!!!
    Maca49 and buell984 like this.

  13. #12193
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  14. #12194
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    Trump has air force 1, Jacinda (Lying Red) Adern has something a little more modest.Name:  weekend-afternoon-randomness-35-photos-131 (1).jpg
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  15. #12195
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    stingray, Beaker, buell984 and 2 others like this.

 

 

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