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Thread: Campfire humour: ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD PLEASE

  1. #13561
    Member northdude's Avatar
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    Yea but I think the computer desk is wobbly

  2. #13562
    Member Fawls's Avatar
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    An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy,went to the local church for confession.


    When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:
    "Father.. During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
    The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."
    "There is more to tell, Father.. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."
    The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
    "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."
    "And what is that?" asked the priest.
    "Should I tell her the war is over?"

  3. #13563
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    Name:  __7b654376f38ed9d7785645f192045350_width-300.jpeg
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    buell984, Micky Duck and Fawls like this.

  4. #13564
    Member Tommy's Avatar
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    Identify your target beyond all doubt

  5. #13565
    Village Idjit Barefoot's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rushy View Post
    I saw this earlier today. Suits me to a tee.
    Attachment 90543p
    Not sure you are technically a veteran Rushy, the bars in Singapore generally aren't classed as a conflict zone . . .
    The Biggest Room is the Room for Improvement

  6. #13566
    OPCz Rushy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barefoot View Post
    Not sure you are technically a veteran Rushy, the bars in Singapore generally aren't classed as a conflict zone . . .
    I got the VC and bar or was it the VD and scar? Memory is fading.
    It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
    What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
    Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
    Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  7. #13567
    SiB
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    Either way @Rushy you got the clap

  8. #13568
    OPCz Rushy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SiB View Post
    Either way @Rushy you got the clap
    Many of us did.
    It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
    What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
    Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
    Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  9. #13569
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rushy View Post
    Many of us did.
    Love how you don't even bother to deny it hahah.

    Sent from my TA-1024 using Tapatalk

  10. #13570
    OPCz Rushy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Russian 22. View Post
    Love how you don't even bother to deny it hahah.

    Sent from my TA-1024 using Tapatalk
    When you mix soldiers, booze and whores it is almost as inevitable as the sun rising in the morning.
    Steve123 likes this.
    It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
    What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
    Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
    Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  11. #13571
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rushy View Post
    When you mix soldiers, booze and whores it is almost as inevitable as the sun rising in the morning.
    It wasn't the only thing rising aye. Didn't yah dad tell you don't silly wrap yah willy? Wrap before you tap it? Wear a glove before you love?

    Sent from my TA-1024 using Tapatalk

  12. #13572
    OPCz Rushy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Russian 22. View Post
    It wasn't the only thing rising aye. Didn't yah dad tell you don't silly wrap yah willy? Wrap before you tap it? Wear a glove before you love?

    Sent from my TA-1024 using Tapatalk
    No. He was more a "if it's got a c**t, give it a bunt" sort of advisor.
    Bryan, Harryg and Blisters like this.
    It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
    What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
    Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
    Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  13. #13573
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    too close to the bloody truth

  14. #13574
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rushy View Post
    No. He was more a "if it's got a c**t, give it a bunt" sort of advisor.
    before you deck her, wrap your pecker
    dont be silly rubber your willy


    ahh the joys of single life, i remember recycling 365 used condoms an making a tyre, i called it goodyear
    Bryan likes this.

  15. #13575
    OPCz Rushy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gonetropo View Post
    before you deck her, wrap your pecker
    dont be silly rubber your willy


    ahh the joys of single life, i remember recycling 365 used condoms an making a tyre, i called it goodyear
    That got me cackling.
    It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
    What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
    Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
    Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

 

 

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