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Thread: The Garden Pig

  1. #1
    unit moonhunt's Avatar
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    Dec 2011
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    warkworth
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    The Garden Pig

    The Garden Pig

    Friday evening i had just arrived home and was passed on a message to phone someone regarding a pig, Mmmm i thought 'is this going to be another waste of time' - is it a week old, or did they scare it off or have there dog chase it like the last lot.

    'Where is it ' i muttered, just down the road i was told, Mmmm, i might give it a call

    'Hello, i'm phoning about the pig' - 'Hang on' was the reply 'i will get my wife for you'
    Well... the poshest and a very well educated voice came onto the phone, the property was only 5min down the road and an area where you would never dream a pig to live, coastal expensive and well manacured real estate, batches and the odd larger garden, and after a few questions trying to paint myself a picture it became apparant this posh lady was a wee bit tipsy, after serving her hubby as she didnt agree with some of his input she set about giving me her version of what was going on-

    'Well our gay neighbours shitzu dogs bailed it up one day on there lawn, it has eaten all the phenoix plam seeds out of our main lawn and it has tracks through my flower beds' she says
    'It is now digging holes and rooting where i have planted my new annuals, just come and get this FUCKING PIG' she shouted at me, in a posh well educated accent, i almost laughed at her, i didnt think people like that swore

    'OK, how big is it, are its prints about the same size as a sheep' i asked - 'yes' was the reply, good i thought, i'll only take one dog, i dont want a circus erupting amonst some persons property thats going to take offence of whats going on- ' I'll see you in the morning'
    Ok so i arrive at the property and it is the one i thought it might be, flash, big money and extensive gardens 'Point me in the right direction' i said, 'let me walk you' she said and i started to get a garden tour, sure enough there was a print here and rub there but it was very faint 'this pig could be anywhere' i thought , the pig was doing well, everything it dug or ate was very suttle , not big ramdom digging as you would think, but after 20mins and no fresh scent about i stated thinking 'well this is no easy pig' so rolled a smoke and said to myself ' time to think about this one- where would he camp', so i walked up a rise to get a veiw over the area and cut over the faintest of pig runs, Mmmm i might follow this as it may turn back down to the native right over the cliff, and that is where i thought a pig could bed down for the day

    Sure enough the trail turned rightangles and headed off downhill to the native i had wanted to check, dog was finaly keen and off he went 'Bingo-im on the money' now where is the dog going to find it, what seemed like forever(prob 2mins) Axle gave out one bark and grabbed his pig,Mmm no squeal, hope it's not too big, i'm his back up and i dont have a rifle

    Arriving at the dog and pig the first thing i see is how close to the edge they are, shit i dont need that, the pig was about the same size as the dog and giving him heaps in a shallow depression on the edge of a cliff, so i jumped in thinking the the dog had him well enough to grab a leg, well the pig had other ideas and i had to turn the pig with my boot as he had a go at me, i got his back leg after that and it was all over for him-' no more wrecking the flash garden for you my boy '

    Well before the wee hunt i was told to get the pig, but the people did not want to see it or hear anything about , just take it away, well as i broke from the heavy bush i found some garden steps, yep thats me i thought , should take me above the garden sheds and garage area, well i popped out on another wee lawn by the full length lap pool and was sighted by the people' oh wow did you just catch that in our garden' ( no shit it's a pig isnt it) ' yes- he was sleeping way down there on the edge of the cliff' i said , 'please stay where you are i want lots of photos' she says ' would you like to eat it i asked' 'Hell no' was her reply, i recon hubby was thinking about.. never mind i thought, you dont know what your missing out on

    The wee boar was around 70 pound and had an attatude to boot, found some holes in the dog when i got home too
    Sorry no pics of this pig, the posh lady has some in her garden diary, i scarped off before she saw the blood spots all over her marble stairs that joined one garden to another, but i wont forget her or that wee hunt in the garden, it not every day you get an invite to hunt a spot like that that one

    moonhunt
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    OPCz

 

 

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