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Chainsaw with cooking oil in the oil tank.

Everything in life is illegal or frowned upon, but those rings are really strong and that air operated hand piece hasn't come across a ball bag that it doesn't fit.

Make them all steers

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Yeah, I tried that line with the wife and she still got pregnant.

I imagine the cow will be in calf with her son sucking and fucking her.

Replace the yearling with a weaner pig to suckle, now that will bring home the bacon.

My guess is that since the stomach that used to digest the milk will be long gone so suckling milk will just go straight to the shitter.