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The department of fastidious accuracy is opening an investigation into you random width approach to slicing and is particularly focussed upon your apparently deliberate disregard for the prohibited oblique angle cut on one potato and the obvious thumbing of your nose to authority that resulted in the double direction cutting of another. We will be asking for a Royal Commission report before considering how to proceed with prosecution but we advise that in the meantime any further edible tuber abuse will have dire consequences.
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