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Thread: Questionable Curry - a journey

  1. #1
    Cook Angus_A's Avatar
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    Questionable Curry - a journey

    I put some hare legs in the back of the fridge 10 days ago, i remembered they were there yesterday morning. As an impoverished youth i did the only sensible thing, turn it into the worlds greatest vessel for questionably edible meat, the curry.
    For this recipe you will need
    Courage
    Some stuff
    Some things

    Place legs in bowl with housemates fancy greek yoghurt (sorry housemate) some lemon juice and a healthy amount of curry powder purchased during the Clinton administration. Leave on the bench, fall asleep and forget about it for 24 hours, when questioned claim it's to make it more tender.
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    Great, now whack the legs in the oven on a rack set to 'hotter than satans ballsack' and let it get nice and charred, cos your tandor is in the shop.
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    Next put 3 random onions you found at the bottom of the pantry in the food processor and mulch into a paste, after you've finished screaming from the assault on your eyes that has occurred cos your genius ass just put onions in a food processor add to a hot electric fry pan with an artery clenching quantity of butter and a dash of mustard seeds, or if you WEREN'T a dumbass and picked up a new gas bottle, a stove will do i guess. When cooked down nicely and the seeds begin to pop, add two cans of pureed tomatos and a healthy amount of whatever-the-fuck-this-is and cook for a couple more minutes.
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    Oh and don't forget the hot sauce for a bit of heat and bacteria annihilation


    WHAT THE FUCK YOU MAD CUNT THAT'S TOO MUCH WTF
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    It's fine, this is fine, everything is fine, we can still make this work

    While you wait for your sauce to cook down and your meat to brown in the oven, occupy your time with an important activity
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    Add your sauce to a pot ready in waiting for its meaty friends
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    Realize there's too much and return to the pan to reduce for a further 10 minutes, the sauce on your camera is optional
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    Speaking of meat, it's done, was done 15 minutes ago, but heat is good and you can't have too much of a good thing so this is probably fine? We're too far down now to turn back
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    Return to the pot a second time and add your blacked meat and the reserved marinade to add some delightful creamy notes and to destroy all evidence that housemates yoghurt was used
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    Now put the whole thing in the oven at 160 with a lid on it for a few hours until its tender and whatever might have been living in there has probably been destroyed...hopefully


    We're nearly there! just got t...FUCKING HOUSEMATE BOUGHT FUCKING BROWN FUCKING RICE GOD FUCKING DAMN FUCK IT ALL
    Put FUCKING BROWN FUCKING RICE on to cook and wait approximately 300 million years for it to complete because FUCKING BROWN FUCKING RICE is an affront to all that is good in the world

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    Serve hot and then cry a little bit because it's actually fucking delicious and you will never be able to replicate it again.
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    "A party without cake is just a meeting" - Juila Child

  2. #2
    Member Ryan_Songhurst's Avatar
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    Looks bloody good Angus I can feel the burn (exit) all ready
    Angus_A likes this.
    #27GANG

  3. #3
    Member Ryan_Songhurst's Avatar
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    PS: yes brown rice is animal feed at best
    Angus_A, Beaker and 300CALMAN like this.
    #27GANG

  4. #4
    Member Blisters's Avatar
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    Best put a toilet roll in the freezer now?

  5. #5
    OPCz Rushy's Avatar
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    Mmmmm curry.
    Angus_A likes this.
    It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
    What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
    Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
    Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  6. #6
    Member Dan88's Avatar
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    That is the funniest thing I've read all day!!! Seriously write a cookbook for flatting in that style, it'd sell like tandoori hare!
    Sounds tasty as too

    Sent from my SM-G390Y using Tapatalk
    Munsey, mikee, Angus_A and 3 others like this.

  7. #7
    Caretaker jakewire's Avatar
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    Funniest original I've read in awhile
    Well done Angus
    mikee, Angus_A and Beaker like this.
    Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

  8. #8
    Cook Angus_A's Avatar
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    My guts are on fire, dunno if it's the chilli or the botulism
    Pointer, gadgetman, ebf and 4 others like this.
    "A party without cake is just a meeting" - Juila Child

  9. #9
    Member mikee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angus_A View Post
    My guts are on fire, dunno if it's the chilli or the botulism
    Well if the toilet melts in a couple hours I guess that xtra dash of hot sauce was a dash too much.

    Mate after the day I have had it gave me a laugh so well done
    Angus_A and Sarvo like this.

  10. #10
    Cook Angus_A's Avatar
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    Glad you all got a chuckle , i'm going to sterilise myself with more important activities
    Marty Henry and Sarvo like this.
    "A party without cake is just a meeting" - Juila Child

  11. #11
    Member 40mm's Avatar
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    HAve you seen julia julia? I guess so, pretty good I thought!
    Angus_A likes this.
    Use enough gun

  12. #12
    Cook Angus_A's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 40mm View Post
    HAve you seen julia julia? I guess so, pretty good I thought!
    I have, she's a role model of mine, for both her cooking and capacity for alcohol.
    "A party without cake is just a meeting" - Juila Child

  13. #13
    Member Marty Henry's Avatar
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    Cant like it twice unfortunatly.

    You should collect all the recipes you have like this and do a cookbook, maybe called the "Suspicious organs and Questionable curry cookbook. Culinary adventures for the adventurous or those that dont give a fuck"
    jakewire, Angus_A, Beaker and 1 others like this.

  14. #14
    MIA somewhere in Nam 300CALMAN's Avatar
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    @Angus_A You have to write a cook book, looks like we have a formite competition to name it?

    I will buy 10 copies, hell I will be your agent.
    Angus_A likes this.

  15. #15
    Cook Angus_A's Avatar
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    I've been writing one for a while actually, kind of a goodbye to the cheffing world, about my struggle with both learning to cook and mental health and how the two played off one another and still do.
    "A party without cake is just a meeting" - Juila Child

 

 

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