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Thread: A Ridiculous Story

  1. #1
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    A Ridiculous Story

    A Ridiculous Story.
    or: How I broke into a house and how I broke out of a house.

    2 November 2017

    Well, it was like this:-- Wednesday afternoon at home and I had been pottering in the man cave a few hours. Dogs had been tied up for a few hours near the cave and started into whining; Bored dogs.
    Ok you buggers, "who wants a game"? Woof bark woof etc etc.
    So I go and retrieve the large plastic lid from an old paint pail which serves as a large frisbee, let dogs off their leads and we walk out back into a spacious reserve. The house windows were mostly open, but I locked the front door as a precaution as we left.

    Half an hour later once the pooches were puffing vigorously the three of us wandered back home. I tied them up and then pulling my keys from my pocket, went to the front door to unlock and get a drink.

    Oh oh, the key would not turn the lock. Tried every which way of putting it in but the lock refused to move.

    What to do? Well, I had a ladder handy which would not reach comfortably to any of the windows that were open. Now, these windows are aluminium and mounted above a fixed glass window. The opening part is hinged at the top so that the bottom of the window tends to almost close itself due to gravity. Inside the bottom of the hinged window are two lever latches. (The house is on 4 ft high piles so the bottom of the windows are about 9 ft above ground level)

    On the side of the house is a 1500 gallon water tank, the edge of which is about 3 ft from the nearest accessible window and 3 ft below it. Using the ladder I mounted the water tank and leaned across till I could lift the bottom of the hinged window open such that I could get my head and shoulders over it's edge and my head inside. The bottom rigid part of the window is of course very thin and quite sharp. Inside the window, the lounge curtain is half closed and 4 ft below that is a lounge suite.

    I heaved myself over and started to wriggle inside. Oh oh again; my bootlace hooked into one of the window latches, closing it on my legs. Shit! This was like being caught half way into a hinaki. After some lengthy struggling in a near vertical and very uncomfortable upside down position, I managed to kick free of the window latch. However, by this time I was inverted and sideways, falling down headfirst towards the couch. Bugger; stuck again, this time tangled in the curtains. More wriggling --something had to give. Brrrt, oops again; all the curtain hooks gave way and I descended rapidly in a totally uncontrolled way wrapped in curtain, down onto the couch.

    Whew, inside at last. Now to try the door lock from the inside. Oh oh again; --where are the bloody keys? A rapid search located keys in the middle of the wrecked curtain and I proceeded to the door. Would the lock turn from the inside? Noooo such luck!
    Oh well, lets go to the back door in the wash house and unlock that. Oh oh--- different lock and I don't have a key for that one. Search the house for spare back door key. Found about a dozen keys; none fitted. Humph!

    Alright then, lets find some tools and so I can get pins out of the door hinges. Another mad search ensues, because I could not get out the window again safely to get tools from my shed. Finally found a couple of screwdrivers and levered the three pins up out of the hinges. (Should be a simple matter now to use screwdrivers to lever the hinged side of the door inwards and open up--he thought) Noooo again! Despite making lots of crush mark in the mouldings next to the door hinges, and on top and bottom of the dammed door, it wouldn't budge. Why not?

    (In the meantime, the dogs could hear obvious sounds of breaking and entering from the house and so proceeded to tell the whole darned neighbourhood. This lasted until the whole episode reached it's conclusion I might add. I was constantly wondering when the cops would turn up)

    Orrr; the main hasp of the lock is in its snug recess and will not allow any play in the door to open the opposite way from which it was intended---Duh.

    Kick the bloody thing down? No, better not; have another think--

    Only possibility would be to somehow lever the hasp. Maybe if I take the door handle off? OK; grab screwdriver and remove the four screws around the handle mounting plate; remove handle and plate; retry key; no, still doesn't work. Push, pull, wriggle and fiddle. Try key again. This time, although key doesn't work, when I pull it out, a small broken rusty spring comes our with it! Where's that from he wonders? Door handle is now floppy; Oh, it must be the spring to return the door handle to its position when door is opened; but why did it come out?
    Tried key again but still no luck. Thinks, that spring must have flicked a tumbler into a wrong position. Hmm, I'll have to try picking the lock. Long story short; that didn't work either!
    Last option-- try to dig smallest screwdriver between the door and the jamb and into the brass lock hasp / tongue and gently lever it sliding back into the door locking mechanism. This worked; using two screwdrivers, one to stab and move the tongue a millimetre, the other to hold it by friction while stabbing the tongue again, and so on. This worked; hooray!

    Opened the door a fraction in case it tried to lock itself again when I wasn't looking, and reinserted the three hinge pins so the door wouldn't fall off.

    Pushed the hasp / tongue fully home and reassembled the door handle and mounting ; then tried the key. All good!
    There are two return springs for the door handles, one of which had broken and fallen amongst the tumblers and jammed while I initially locked the door before exercising the dogs.

    Alls well that ends well; apart from the damaged door mouldings and curtain of course. Now to face the music !

  2. #2
    Caretaker jakewire's Avatar
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    well, She'll be right happy, wont she
    Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

  3. #3
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    As said an interesting story remind me to leave a spare key to the dead bolt hidden inside the house

  4. #4
    Sending it Gibo's Avatar
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    Ha ha classic, Murphy had you well fucked
    veitnamcam likes this.

  5. #5
    If your not fast your last Shootm's Avatar
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    Classic.

    Reminds me of the time I got locked out. Had a spare key hidden to get into internal access garage, got in there ok but the mrs had locked the door between garage and house
    Solved that by having a laundry key stashed now.

    I Have Sexdaily. I mean Dyslexia! Fcuk!

  6. #6
    OPCz Rushy's Avatar
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    Inspirational Woody. Never doubt the determined perseverance of us young fellahs eh. We get the job done. Of course the Police will now be interviewing you in relation to all local break and entries.
    It takes 43 muscle's to frown and 17 to smile, but only 3 for proper trigger pull.
    What more do we need? If we are above ground and breathing the rest is up to us!
    Rule 1: Treat every firearm as loaded
    Rule 2: Always point firearms in a safe direction
    Rule 3: Load a firearm only when ready to fire
    Rule 4: Identify your target beyond all doubt
    Rule 5: Check your firing zone
    Rule 6: Store firearms and ammunition safely
    Rule 7: Avoid alcohol and drugs when handling firearms

  7. #7
    Member Maca49's Avatar
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    Fcuking old people! Geeze @Woody, when you posting a video from your security cameras?
    Boom, cough,cough,cough

  8. #8
    Member Gapped axe's Avatar
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    Ha ha Woody that would of been a sight. Imagine if I had dropped in for a cuppa and apprehended you. On the other side of the coin your not exactly young or little, so not a bad effort really.
    "ars longa, vita brevis"

  9. #9
    Member Boaraxa's Avatar
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    I had a similar incident long ago I arrived home with a few beers onboard bent the key trying to open the lock so my answer was the chainsaw , next morning was freezing cold with sleet in the hall way id chopped my gummies that where on the other side of the door & as it turns out the door wasn't locked which is why it couldn't turn any further

  10. #10
    Member Pengy's Avatar
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    I think we have all been there in one way or another.
    I was painting the bathroom of a new apartment at Matarangi one winter (very few people around)
    Took door furniture off to paint door, left tools outside the bathroom, door blew closed and that was me till I got the missus to drive over from Whitianga to let me out
    gadgetman, Maca49 and Boaraxa like this.
    Forgotmaboltagain+1

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maca49 View Post
    Fcuking old people! Geeze @Woody, when you posting a video from your security cameras?
    Cant figure how to use anything flasher than a box brownie mate
    Maca49 likes this.

  12. #12
    Member Malhunting's Avatar
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    Yeah taking the pins out of a hinge does not give you an easy door removal as you would think, mainly because of the way the hinges are formed.

  13. #13
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    That was an epic battle alright, at least you won in the end.
    Gibo likes this.

  14. #14
    Member Sideshow's Avatar
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    Good story but come on what's the real reason you swung from the curtains

    1 your lover was in

    2 that frizzby game with the dogs was carried out inside

    3 the whole door storyline was made up to cover your ass..........top man saves own life and dogs from one very annoyed better half
    It's all fun and games till Darthvader comes along
    I respect your beliefs but don't impose them on me.

  15. #15
    Member 300_BLK's Avatar
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    Excuse for new curtains?
    Warm Barrels!

 

 

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